It all started with a chicken bone. There is picture I have that I don’t feel like looking for at the moment of me in a high chair smiling gleefully as I wave my first clean chicken bone in the air like a trophy. My love for chicken started fast and early. The story of what happened after this picture was taken goes as follows…
Random white lady: What a pretty baby!
Mom: Thank you
RWL: She’s so nice and bright. So so pretty
Sooooo are you saying that she’s pretty only because she’s light??
You can imagine what the rest of the conversation went like….
(Before I get started I’m not naïve enough to think that lightskinned black women are the most oppressed people in this world.. or even top five, but this shit is what I go through and its damaging and irritating and problematic any angle you look at it.
Thus began the story of my life. I have come across so many people(mens) wanting to deal with me just because I’m lightskin. In fact one of my ex boyfriends said they probably wouldn’t have been interested in me if I was darkskin.
This made me think two things:
1) That I was ugly (which passed through quickly because PLEASE)
2) It doesn’t make sense! How can a skin color deem one attractive, all other features aside? Granted I do love me a deep brown man with a beard. ( I can be reached on ig via dm slide @yearherethere ) but I do believe there’s a difference in being attracted to aspects of people and fetishizing their traits WHICH brings me to my next point…
The main reason I wanted to write this was because of my Instagram timeline. One of my followers consistently talks about having a daughter one day that’s lightskin with long hair and light eyes. I see that he only dates lightskin girls(this includes Spanish girls as well). He IS a fuck boy so this isn’t surprising, but what I did realize was his aversion to blackness. Its as though they are so put off about black features or so in awe of white features that they strive to purge their life of the former and do whatever it takes to get the latter. Including forcing relationships with people with white features.
I HATE THAT YOU ALWAYS BRING UP MY COLOR!
Its nice to have attention BUT for me 1) I don’t want people to pay attention to just the way I look. I have valid, strong , beautiful things to say. I don’t want to be seen as only one aspect of the person that I am. 2) how can you hate something so beautiful. I love melanin. I love my curly kinky hair. My ex boyfriend insists that I look better with long straight “manageable” hair. He has said that It needs to grow. That I didn’t have to cut it all off for it to be healthy.( because you’re a natural hair guru -_- right. ) So that I can meet the standards of beauty that make you comfortable? Its off putting and It definitely stems from the issue of colorism. Where the offspring of slaves that were raped got better treatment and in some cases opportunities because of their diluted black blood.
What pisses me off the most, recently is the disbelief that I identify as just black. A friend of friend asked me what was my ethnicity. I told him I was black. He then said I didn’t ask you what race you were I mean what color are your nipples? (he is getting married tomorrow and was engaged at the time but God protects the foolish I guess. I said “I just told you I’m just black but if its that important to you, my father’s parents are from Haiti. Hindsight is always 2020 and I should have told him being that my ancestors were brought to America against their will so I’m unaware of my full cultural backround.” Maybe next time…
It makes me so angry that I didn’t see or notice the things that bother me now. But I’m glad I know better so when my baby cousin has white people telling her she’s the prettiest black girl they know, I know that she knows it’s a back handed compliment and they should be read swiftly and accordingly.
What’s y’all’s experience with colorism? COMMENT AND LET ME KNOW