My main problem as an introvert, besides people never talking to me, (because they feel like me not speaking means that I think that I think I’m better than everyone) is that when they do actually talk to me they don’t shut up.
I went on a date a few months ago. He wasn’t my type at all. My type ( lately) are dark skinned men with dreads and/or a beard with a southern accent and/or can stimulate me with conversation. This guy was lightskinned with baby dreads and a terrible excuse for a beard. After I dropped my annoyance from being disturbed while i was studying, I realized that he seemed nice and from that initial interaction, he seemed intriguing. He asked me for my number and asked if we could meet up the following Friday for drinks. And you know what? I actually had fun on the date! We went to a barcade (bar plus old school arcade) and then my favorite lounge and ate tacos in the park.
Now, that being said, my philosophy on dating is that it shouldn’t be built through the phone. I’ve done it before and I realized that that person and I didn’t have any chemistry outside of phone calls and texts.
After this date, he text me good morning and good night every single day. That wouldn’t be a bad thing if between those good morning and good nights weren’t ten minute long voice notes telling me about his day that I didn’t ask him about. Everyday he would ask me what I was doing and how work went. Once I answered him, he would launch into an onslaught of every little detail about what he was doing throughout his day. I know I sound like a brat complaining about how I’m getting attention throughout the day. But I can’t fathom talking every single day when:
A) I’ve only known you a week!
B) I abhor small talk. I don’t even do it at work when it’s a requirement to get along with coworkers.
C) There’s nothing I really want to talk to you about. Especially if it’s nonstop throughout the day.
Don’t get me wrong, I thought he was cool for the most part! But I knew I was only testing the waters and was still gauging how well I wanted to get to know this guy. In order for me to feel like I want to talk to you everyday, we have to have chemistry and a VERY strong connection. Long story short I didn’t want to fuck him and the birage of text messages was making me not want to talk to nor hangout with him either.
Another thing I hate when I’m talking to someone is when they just say stuff to say it. Like- Me: I’m making food. Them: oh let me get some. Me: I’m going to take a shower. Them: oh can I join.
Why @ fatherGod?
That was the last straw. I tried to be an adult and told him “look I don’t work like this. I don’t feel the need to talk everyday or even talk on the phone especially FaceTime( yes he tried to FaceTime me at 1am.In. Thee. 1st. Week) someone I barely know. For me, that’s a level of comfortablity that comes with time spent in person. I told him that I needed to fall back which is code for I’m going to leave your ass on read if you send me another one of your terrible 2 page poems.(again,WHUT?!?) He said he respected my choice and told me to have a good trip.
The day I came back from my spectacular trip, I was full of light and awareness.He asked me how my trip was. I say wonderful; I didn’t want to leave. He then tells me that’s great now back to reality!
No,I will not come back to reality a mere three hours after I land and to be honest it is MY reality because now my plans to move there are officially in motion.
So then he goes into a voicenote rant(that I didn’t ask for) about how it’s so sad that his coworkers eat with their hands. He works with Indian people who traditionally eat with their hands…Because that’s apart of their culture. So of course I told him that what he said was ignorant and wrong. He said that there was a time and place for that and it didn’t have to be all the time. I then told him what if someone told him that there was a time and place for his baby dreads. Of course theres room for a larger discussion here: like how that’s the same thing that white people do with aspects of black culture but all EYE said was that aspect of their culture isn’t harmful to anyone else. He said it was his opinion and neither one of us was right or wrong. I told him I never said he didn’t have an opinion…it was just an ignorant opinion.
This was the end of the conversation or so I thought. He then came back a few hours later bringing up what I said about falling back. An issue he previously said he didn’t have anything to say about.
In a voicenote because you know I love screenshots:
“So you know what you said about falling back? Nah”
nah what? that still stands
“nah cause the purpose of talking to someone is to get to know you. And I’m a gentleman and sweet and don’t know why females (-_- I hate when people use adjectives in the place of nouns) don’t appreciate it and my motto is if anyone doesn’t like it they can kick rocks.”
Well I guess I gotta kick rocks then. Because 1. I don’t feel a connection with you and your definition of sweet is sending me memes about sagitarrius being apart of the ‘got you sprung squad’ so if THAT means I have the priviledge of never seeing it again then great and good. 2. I’mthe queen of I couldn’t careless. It makes it easier for me because now I don’t have to pretend to be nice anymore.
“ Yea I don’t get girls like that and I don’t want to get to know girls like that.
Cool. Be blessed my nigga.
I said all of this to say:
Please respect the introvert when they tell you they don’t wanna talk to you all day long. Me time is free time and when you intrude it makes us hate you.
1) was I wrong? 2) how do you introverts deal with dating people who don’t understand that you don’t want to talk all day long?